.....And then there was a blog post.

And so here we are. The curtains twitch, then slowly draw apart. The house lights go up, and…… well, not a lot. No matter how theatrically I could try to couch this, you’re still just reading my blog. 

But wait! You’re reading my blog on my new website! Huzzah! Jazz hands!

It’d be a stretch of the imagination to suggest that the process of making this was in any way exciting, let alone dramatic. If a TV camera had filmed me in the last weeks they would have caught a good (bad) many hours of me staring at a computer screen, cursing at varying volumes, and nipping to the balcony to get some fresh air. Ad nauseum. Following the tried and testing format of most other reality TV programmes then, really.

You’re not here to read about reality TV programmes though. The internet is already full of critical takedowns of them, written by folk with a much better pedigree in watching people slag each other  off and eating kangaroo genitalia. I don’t have a TV, and so me writing about anything on the box would be like the last few series of Lost - utterly pointless (like I say, I don’t have a TV, so my references are a bit old).

Rather, this blog will be about…… I don’t really know. Something. Previous blogs I’ve had tended to ramble on a bit and be a bit bloated, but after having read the previous paragraphs you will of course understand that I’ve since left those days behind. 

There shall be no particular theme to the blog posts I write. Some will be long. They may be irregularly posted. They might all be shite. While the former two possibilities are pretty objective, the latter is clearly subjective. If it happens to be the case that you don’t like what you’re reading, then I’m sorry. 

I find reading BTL comments on newspaper articles curiously addictive. All the more so when they’re about subjects I feel strongly about. I don’t know why I do this to myself, as much of the time, the posters can be split into two camps: the first are those who agree with the article and say pretty much that. Everyone agreeing and patting themselves on the back. Gosh, aren’t wee like-minded souls bright? Aren’t we enlightened? Well done us. 

As bland and borderline sycophantic as they are, they’re preferable to the second lot: the scrotes. Why read an article, create a user account and then post a comment calling someone else a knob (or words to that effect)? Why deliberately wind people up? What part of life is so sad for them that they need to find validation or kicks in being a twat?

Example: I see an article about cats. I like cats (my mum thinks that my recent idea of getting one for myself screams loneliness. She’s a pillar of strength). “I’ll read about cats”, I think to myself. “After all, it’s not an article about chihuahuas - they’re ugly little rat-things. I wouldn’t like to read about them. But cats? Yes please.”  And yet at the end of the article, someone’s logged on and posted a message saying that they hate cats. Why? And I don’t mean why hate cats - like doing what you feel or quoting New Edition songs, that’s your prerogative - but why tell a group of feline fans that you don’t like the abyssinian* of their eye? 

Like a eunuch, I just don’t get it.

Still though, the siren call of reading BTL comments drags me down. It’s like crack - dead moreish. It’s plainly not healthy. And while getting involved seems harmless enough at the start, pretty soon your friends are shunning you and people start crossing the road when they see your crazy-eyed stare in the street. And that’s just the crack. Commenting BTL is, of course, much worse. 

Veering back to the point, if you don’t like what you’re reading, please, take a moment, maybe watch a video of cats (Oh my god, look at them!!) on Youtube, then think about responding. I’d really like people to leave comments and get involved with the site, but to be honest, I have a hard enough time liking myself sometimes anyway, without MrCommonSenseUK telling me I’m a tosser. 

Essentially, please, read and comment, but bear Wheaton’s Law in mind (and not only here - it’s a solid rule for life whether on the internet or, you know, in reality): “Don’t be a dick.”

Thanks for your time.

*other breeds of cat are available.